The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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