All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize