unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
