You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
