we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
