i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
