I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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