you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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