Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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