Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
