i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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