Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
