Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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