Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
