ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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