Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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