Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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