he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
