i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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