I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
