his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
