I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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