My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
