Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
