But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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