Me too!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
