Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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