remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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