So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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