ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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