I wish I could punch you in the face.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
