everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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