just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
