A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
