My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
