even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
