Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
