Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
