WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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