I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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