The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
