Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
