the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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