My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
