did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
