I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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