He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We had to coat check the pizza.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
