dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
