Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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