They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
