Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
