Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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