Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
