first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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