I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
