is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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