i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
