he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
