oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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