there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
