im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
