Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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