I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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