it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
NoShamevember. You game?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
