some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
